The My Fair DAME Project
by roze13
Summary: The Grey Warden and her friends discover a strange artifact that lands them in the Citadel, of all places. Not intended to be taken seriously.
1. Chapter 1

The My Fair D.A.M.E. Project

Author's Notes: Firstly, this is just more silliness that is intended to amuse Pyrefangs and myself. It's also an excellent example about how we can take anything way too seriously and make it work.

Secondly, please, feel free to leave commentary on the mechanics of the crossover if there's something that doesn't sound reasonable. Although, commentary on personal opinion of my methodology may be ignored in favor of retaining my fragile self esteem. :)

Thirdly, I have not yet played Mass Effect 2. As a result this is alternate universe after ME1 (paragon maleshep, kept the council) and thus any changes to the universe effective ME2 will be summarily ignored.

Finally, D.A.M.E. stands for Dragon Age Mass Effect. Stupid pun, I know. Laugh at it. It's supposed to be funny.

Edit 2/23/10: Updated formatting to take quotation grammar into account.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is for amusement only.

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Dana Cousland kept her false smile firmly in place. Years of political grooming at the hands of her Teyrna mother allowed her to continue the facade of actually enjoying herself. When in reality she wanted to run around with her paired daggers and sever the spleens of the idiot nobility surrounding her. She internally sighed and mentally checked that her smile was still in place. This trip to Ostagar had originally been intended for her and her dear friends alone.

But, Queen Anora, the ever vigilant woman that she was, had overheard Dana and Alistair planning the trip. They had decided that now that the blight was ended, they and their companions should return to Ostagar to hold a small private memorial for the Grey Warden Commander, Duncan. It would also be a final farewell before they all split off to their separate paths.

Anora, of course, thought it was a splendid idea. And did not Ferelden owe it's existence to Duncan's foresight? And thus, she summoned the entirety of their tiny nation's nobility to Ostagar to honor the dead warden. And like any noble party, it turned into a drunken fiasco fairly fast. The elder nobility, drank and gossiped. The younger crowed about the chance to 'rough' it, as it were. Dana Cousland, sister to Teyrn Fergus of Highever, and the honored Grey Warden who stopped the blight (though really it was the child that Morrigan carried that did the trick) was the guest of honor and thus was kept in view at all times.

She internally signed, mentally checked her smile, and wished for Alistair's company once again. Dana also found herself wishing for something to kill… anything… at all. She nearly laughed aloud when she realized she'd easily choose a bar brawl with Oghren over a noble's party any day.

And so it was thus that she internally cheered with delight at the sound of terrified screams coming from a random door in the tevinter ruins that made up Ostagar. She excused herself from the clutches of the elderly bann that had been regaling her ear for the last hour and put on her warden face as she marched for the door. She was unsurprised to find the entirety of her companions swiftly on her heels within moments. She allowed herself a moment to pass a grim smile to Alistair who looked utterly overjoyed to be brandishing his sword again.

Dana paused outside the dilapidated wooden door from which horrified screams kept emitting accompanied by repeated pounding of someone attempting to remove the door. She leaned towards the door and yelled, "Back away, we'll have you out in a moment!"

The screaming and the pounding stopped, followed by a loud whisper, "Thank the maker, we're saved!"

Dana rolled her eyes and looked at Oghren. She smiled and gestured to the door, "If you please?" she said simply. Oghren let out a drunk chuckle and then with a loud bellow charged the door with his shoulder. A small explosion of half rotted wood, dust and minor screams from the surrounding nobles cleared away to reveal and now half comatose Oghren on the ground in a pile of obliterated door splinters and a young noble couple, clinging to each other in aghast horror at the dwarves spectacle.

Dana smiled sweetly at the unhappy couple from the now open doorway. "Are you two okay? I heard screams," she said with a semi-professional air.

At the reminder of their previous panic, their faces pale noticeably and the girl clings tighter to her companion. The boy pointed a shaking hand down the hallway leading away from the door and stuttered out, "There's monsters! They tried to eat us! Don't let them eat us, Warden! Please!"

Dana blinked momentarily and then looked back at her companions. She then smiled reassuringly back and the couple and said, "We'll take care of it." Turning all business then, she faced her companions and started dispensing orders.

"Sten, Leliana, Zevran… escort these two to a healer and their families. Make sure they're okay," she stated calmly. Sten nodded and turned to find a healer, while Leliana and Zevran worked to coax the frightened teenagers away from the doorway.

"Alistair, Oghren, Wynne… you're with me down the dark, creepy hallway." Wynne merely nodded and started to ready her spells while Oghren managed to right himself from the mess of the door with a drunken cheer.

Alistair made a face, looking down the hallway. "Now that's just great. Back to the grind already," he groused. Dana ignored him.

"Morrigan, Snuggles… guard the door."

Morrigan sneered, "What? I have to work the the dog!?"

"Yes, Morrigan. You have to work with Snuggles."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes. Deal with it."

Dana turned away from everyone and darted down the hallway, effectively cutting off any further complaints from anyone. The chosen team members followed on her heels with the same familiarity of exploring any other number of dilapidated passageways as they had done before.

They explored the deepening catacombs with meticulous care, dispensing with traps, and removing a few small beasties that made their homes in such areas. Ogrhen muttered loudly, "We've been in this stinking excuse for a tunnel a while now and all we've found are some lousy, sodding deep stalkers. Sodding sky-dwelling nobles."

Dana snorted indelicately and turned to look over her shoulder at Ogrhen, "You do realize I'm a noble as well, right?" she asked teasingly.

Oghren grinned at Dana, "Yeah and yeh know how to use them daggers like a proper warrior! Yeh might as well be a dwarf noble with the way yeh fight!"

Dana shook her head and kept walking. Eventually they reached the end of the catacombs, only to find the hallway was walled off with what appeared to be a large door of strange metal. Wynne stepped forward to examine the unusual glyphs that adorned the door. She turned back to Dana, "These runes are very much like some of the fade's languages that I've seen. I'm not as familiar with this dialect, however Morrigan may be. She and I might be able to decipher what's behind this door."

Dana nodded and then turned to Alistair. He stepped close, closer perhaps that he would've dared just a few months earlier, "Let me guess… I get to go up to the surface, all by my lonesome and drag Morrigan's grumpy backside down here? You do realize I never ever want to be alone with that bizarre excuse for a woman ever again, right? I mean… like ever? She's disturbing really. And she makes fun of me."

Dana laughed softly and wrapped her arms around Alistair's middle in a strong hug, "Oh you don't have to be alone with her, darling. I'd prefer it if you weren't really. No. You get to go up to the surface, all on your lonesome and drag everyone else's grumpy backsides back down here. I've got a weird feeling about that door and I want all of my back up here."

Alistair chuckled and placed a small kiss on Dana's forehead, "Very well then, love. Everyone it is. I leave Oghren and Wynne's protection in your so very capable hands." He turned, waving briefly at the other two before heading back up the tunnel.

An hour or so later, Dana stood up from the rock she'd perched on while waiting. She kicked Oghren awake from his nap as she passed him to greet the rest of their party. Dana nodded patiently, through Leliana's report of the families' reactions of gratitude and the healer's statement of a few scratches and bumps. She then motioned at Morrigan to join Wynne at the mysterious door.

Leliana blinked briefly and then grabbed Alistair's elbow, "Isn't that one of the symbols for the old gods used in the more ancient texts in the chantry?"

Alistair frowned and looked at the glyph she'd pointed too and then nodded, "It is. It's on the door several times. I recognize a few other symbols from ancient chantry works, but I don't know any of them."

Wynne looked at the symbols that Alistair pointed at and then murmured to Morrigan questioningly. Morrigan murmured back in the affirmative. Both women nodded and then stepped away from the door to look at Dana. Wynne spoke up, "If our translation is correct, the door requires a command word and the power of the old gods to open."

Dana sighed and looked at the door, "So… we can't open it?"

Morrigan shook her head, "Ah.. but we can! I carry the child with the archdemon's taint thus it has the power of the old gods. And we believe we've determined what the command word is."

Dana nodded, "Do it then. Everyone else, stand away."

Dana joined Alistair and the rest several feet away. She twined her fingers with his and held her breath. Morrigan nodded once at the group and then turned and placed her hand on the door. She spoke a brief sharp sound that reverberated with a magically compelling and commanding tone. A moment later a box on the wall by the door, lit a soft glowing blue. Morrigan blinked and then turned and looked at Wynne in confusion.

Oghren snorted, "Woo…. yeh lit up some fancy decoration on the wall. Nice one."

Morrigan snarled at Oghren and made a rude hand gesture at him that left him laughing louder. Dana sighed and cut them off, motioning with her hand for Morrigan to join Wynne in continuing the research.

Sten, who had remained silent as usual throughout the entire day, tilted his head briefly, staring at the box. He walked over and bent down to examine it more closely. Finally, he straightened up and pushed the box with his finger. It depressed briefly and then sprang back into place. The mages blinked at Sten and the box in utter confusion, until the door then rumbled and slid away to reveal the other side.

Dana smiled and clapped Sten on the shoulder before striding past them into the large chamber on the other side. The entire room was made of the same odd gleaming metal as the door. The smooth floor showed no signs of dust as neither did the circular walls and the high arching ceiling. In fact, other than the odd design of the room, the only thing of interest, was the large artifact in the middle of the room. Ovular with a long point on the top, pointing skywards, the artifact looked more like some kind of strange art piece than anything else. There were no glyphs, glowing boxes or anything else to give clue to what they had found.

Dana peered back at her gathered companions. The various shrugs, grins, anxious frowns and steeled nods gave her all she needed to know about her friends' mindset. Dana nodded once and then turned and marched up to the artifact. She circled it once, looking all over for some kind of clue. Finding nothing, she paused in front of it and simply reached out to touch it.

A blinding flash and the feeling of everything changing at once came and went in a matter of seconds. Dana felt herself land roughly on her back and blinked woozily at blue sky with fluffy clouds over head. She heard the landings and the various groans and curses of her teammates as they appeared around her. She also heard numerous terrified screams and the loud shout of a commanding voice, "Freeze! Do not move! You are surrounded!"


	2. Chapter 2

The My Fair D.A.M.E. Project

Chapter 2

Edit 2/23/10: Formatting for quotation grammar correction.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is for amusement only.

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John Shepard sighed and placed the most recently completed reported on the 'Done' stack and looked back at the 'Not Done' stack with a pursed frown. Whoever had said that Spectres never had to worry about anything or report to anybody had quite obviously lied. As the background tool of the Council, they apparently had an ungodly amount of paperwork to catch up on to justify everything from various decisions to simple finances.

John looked out the window situated in the wall to his right. The council had gratefully given him a small office in a secured, relatively undamaged sector of Citadel Tower. He could see the ongoing repairs that were nearly complete down in the Presidium below. He smiled softly, glad to see that things could return to the closest semblance of normalcy possible within a matter of days.

He then leaned back in his chair, taking a moment to relax and allow his mind to wander before getting back to his 'work'. It was only a couple of months ago that he and his team defeated Saren, Sovereign and the Geth right there in the Citadel. Thankfully the known universe had been quiet and clear of trouble in the time since. It was as though the criminal element felt they also needed a break after the intense upheaval their world had suffered.

The Normandy was in dry dock for minor repairs and maintenance, as well as a few upgrades. It was thanks to Joker's incredible skills that the Normandy was the least damaged of the present fleet. The Salarians and the Asari both had been extremely impressed by the craftsmanship and the concepts behind the ship. As tokens of thanks from their nations' governments, some new technologies were being given to John and his crew for use on the ship. John had kindly said he'd pass any data they gathered back to the science teams that designed the systems.

John himself had taken three weeks after the 'Sovereign Incident' as it was now called, to recoup and take time for himself. After that though, he'd reached the point of boredom and had started getting caught up on work so that his team could get back out to the good fight.

John's team had been given shore leave and were enjoying it thoroughly. Ashley, in interest of their now romantically involved relationship, had stayed nearby and was quick to drag John out of his office whenever possible.

Joker had been snagged up by the heads of various military schools to do a series of joint lectures about space flight and mass relay tech for the current students. He of course was eating up the attention, glad to see his hard work was being recognized by others outside the Normandy's social strata. The ego stroking led to Joker being mildly insufferable for a week before Garrus and Wrex oh so kindly pointed out that he was still just Joker.

Liara was also doing lectures. She'd presented her findings to a group of archeological peers and since then had been leading a discussion on the paradigm shifts that had to occur because of the new knowledge. Like Joker, she was glad to see her work taken seriously for once but was doing so with much more grace than Joker's mild 'strutting'.

Garrus had shipped off after a week's relaxation to a training camp for potential Spectre's. He'd also reapplied to C-Sec and had been re-granted his rank as detective. He was then assigned as the C-Sec liaison to Spectre Shepard's team as per John's request to Executor Pallin. Pallin had been mildly impressed by John's idea that C-Sec and the Spectres should really consider each other allies instead of rivals. There was also a brief moment where Garrus politely introduced John and the team to his father. The older Vakarian shook John's hand and thanked him for bringing some goodness into the Spectres. John just smiled politely and said nothing.

Wrex had quite simply settled some financial accounts with a few 'associates' and then dropped into a quiet routine of drinking, patrolling for troublemakers and playing silent bodyguard for Liara. Liara herself wasn't quite sure what to make of the stoic Krogan's sudden company, but did not hesitate accept his presence. Most of the team was mystified by Wrex's strange protectiveness. He'd only shrug and reply that he had nothing better to do when questioned about it. The only one who took it as a completely normal action, was Garrus, who was apparently now drinking buddies with Wrex.

Tali, had returned to the flotilla with the data they'd found for her pilgrimage. What John had not expected was to find her knocking at his office door a month later while holding a duffle bag and official documents assigning her as the Quarian liaison to his team. It was the hope of the Admiralty board that in her work with John that she might find a way to make up for the problems caused by the Geth and quite possibly a new homeward for her people as well.

John sighed as he then finally remembered one other significant member of his crew. It was only two days after the incident that they held the memorial service for Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko. John still felt that he hadn't tried hard enough for a third option when the time had come to choose. All of his friends had told him that he did the best that could be done and so John nodded and said farewell to Kaidan at the service. He thought with something akin to regret that they could've been best friends.

John snorted and pulled himself out of his reverie. Things had calmed, and the Normandy was due out of dry dock by the end of the week. He needed to get that paperwork done. But as soon as he reached for the next report, the alarm klaxons sounded and he started receiving updates via his communicator regarding the activation of the miniature mass relay below in the Presidium.

John let to his feet, checked his weapons and then commed his teammates to meet him at the entrance to the barriers that had been erected around the device. Within minutes he was there and smiling grimly at his assembled team, proud to see them already there and battle ready.

He nodded at Executor Pallin and waved at the entrance. "If you like, I'll take my team in at point while your officers hold the perimeter?" he suggested neutrally.

Pallin smirked and waved John ahead, "Be my guest. I don't mind using you and your people as shields for mine."

John grinned and waved his team into position around him and they went through the entrance. Panning out in a semi circle in front of the relay, John and his team watched the final flare of light fade. What appeared was no vehicle but a group of humanoids in the strangest gear he'd ever seen.

Ashley blinked in surprise, "Chainmail and plate armor? They've got swords? Can the relay enact time travel too?"

Liara shook her head, "No.. that shouldn't be possible with the physics involved."

No further speculation occurred as John approached the group with his pistol drawn. He spoke in his 'commander's' voice, "Freeze! Do not move! You are surrounded!"

One of them, a human male in plate armor by the looks of him, stood and blinked in confusion at John. He put out one hand in placating gesture but did not otherwise move. John gestured with his pistol at the sword on the man's hip. "Place your weapons on the ground, now!" he ordered. The male recoiled in confusion and then looked over at a human female in chainmail with a pleading face.

John followed the man's glance just in time to hear that woman's war cry as she let at him with a pair of daggers. John internally sighed, this was going to be a long day.

He stepped out of the way of the woman's charge and then pistol-whipped her, leaving her to fall unconscious on the ground. This of course, led to the chaos that followed. The human male, enraged, also charged but was tackled by Wrex. John barked out a quick order, "Subdue only! We want them alive!"

Each of his team issued an affirmative and took action. Garrus knocked out a stout red haired midget while Liara restrained two other human women who appeared to be armed only with staves. One woman was having a panic attack and the other needed more clothing. Ashley grappled with another man who was easily as tall as Wrex before finally shooting him in the knee and knocking him out.

What John was not prepared for was the very large dog that now leapt at him with vicious snarl. He fell under the dog's massive bulk and then blinked in surprise as it went completely still. John nodded gratefully at Tali as she rolled the limp, sleeping dog off of him and retrieved what appeared to be a tranquilizer dart. John then watched Garrus and Wrex take down a slight male and a red haired woman in swift tandem. And like that it was over.

Garrus shook his head and then turned to John, "This could've gone much worse, Shepard. These… people, were obviously disoriented. I think they're used to working together more solidly than this. We got lucky."

John nods and then claps him on the shoulder, "I agree. Go get the Executor and his officers. We'll need to get them quarantined and disarmed asap. And Garrus… tell Pallin I get first dibs on interrogation."

Garrus smirked and nodded before striding out the entrance door to find his boss. John sighed and tried not to think about the extra paperwork this would entail. "Okay everyone, clean up time. Weapons over on that side, unconscious bodies on the other," he ordered before bending down to drag the unusually heavy dog off to the side. Things could only get stranger from here on out, he thought to himself.


	3. Chapter 3

The My Fair D.A.M.E. Project

Chapter 3

author's note: So who thinks Dana and Company didn't get a fair fight? Well guess what? They didn't. You'll see why. Also, spoilers for Wynne's side story in here if you haven't done that in game.

Edit 2/23/10: Formatting updated for quotation grammar errors.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is for amusement only.

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Dana Cousland moaned and tried to sit up from where she'd been laying. A pair of firm but gentle hands took her by the shoulders and guided her into a sitting position. Dana blinked and looked into the concerned face of Leliana. She gave her a grim smile and then looked around the room. It was a medium sized cell made of yet more strange metal. One wall was absent but a veil of strange energy appeared to hover forbiddingly in its place. She found there were several bunks bolted to the walls and not much else. On one bunk, Morrigan and Wynne sat side by side with a three inch space between them, almost commiserating but not. Dana then noticed their attire. All of their gear had been taken from them and they had been dressed in loose fitting pants and shirts of some strange thick white material.

Dana turned back to Leliana and pursed her lips briefly before speaking. "What happened?" Leliana's mouth quirked into what could have almost been a sarcastic smirk before recapping the fight.

Dana frowned as she listened. "Things went downhill way too fast," Leliana stated softly, "It was over before we really knew what happened. They were organized and used to working together. What's more… something's wrong with our mages. They can't access their magic. And Wynne… she's sick. Says she can barely feel her demon. For some reason their connection to the fade is strained. In the end… I think that's what made the difference. We were really down two of our number in addition to the disorientation of the ah… travel."

Dana nodded squeezed Leliana's hand. "I see. Thank you. And where are our men? Where's Alistair?" she asked next.

Leliana nodded to the hallway beyond the energy veil. "Another cell, down the hall. I could hear Oghren yelling earlier. A guard walked by and told him to shut up. It's been silent since. I'm certain everyone's alive though. The leader of that force. He was barking orders to not kill anyone." A breath that Dana hadn't realized she was holding released slowly from her as she came to the conclusion that everyone was at the very least alive.

She stood up and went over to check on her catatonic mages. "Wynne? Morrigan? Speak to me." she said softly. Morrigan's eyes flashed angrily at Dana before turning away and staring at the wall. Wynne looked up and managed the briefest of smiles.

"We're… fine," she murmurs, "Just tired and confused. I think some rest will help. My demon's trying to keep contact with me but it's hard. It doesn't know what's going on either." Dana nodded and patted Wynne's hand, "Just rest, my friend."

Dana stood in time to see the energy veil disappear and a strange looking… man, for it certainly couldn't be female, enter the cell. He was covered in scales and had blue painted markings on his mandibled face. He pointed at Dana, "Maam, come with me." he orders. Dana frowns and waves a placating hand at the other women before following the guard out of the cell.

His three fingered hand took her by the upper arm firmly and marched her down the hallway. She caught a brief glimpse of all of the men in another cell identical to her as they passed by. She saw Alistair jump up and run up to their energy veil. She heard him shout her name and then nothing more as she was whisked through a door that slid shut behind her. Dana pursed her lips and did her best to keep up with the 'guard' as he marched her past other cells and finally down a hall way with several numbered doors.

One door slid open as they approached it. The guard pulled Dana in and placed her next to an empty chair in front of the table and then left. It was then that she noticed the two sitting across the table from her.

* * *

John Shepard nodded briefly at the guard who left the human woman by her chair. And they knew for certain now that she was human thanks to the medical exam they performed before putting her in the cell. She, strangely enough, had none of the antibodies, immunities or signs of the numerous vaccinations and medical treatments that one received as a child to prevent diseases and disorders. It was as if she'd never been to see a doctor before.

John smiled warmly and gestured at the chair. "Please sit." he states. Garrus, who sat to his right, snorted as though such pleasantries were pointless. John inwardly laughed as he knew Garrus was enjoying the chance to be back in action.

The woman looked at them warily, confusion evident in her hesitancy. She finally pulled out the chair and sat down. She put on a scowl and crossed her arms. Her body language screamed that she knew she wouldn't make it out the door if she ran, but she wasn't going to admit it either. John simply smiled again and pushed a cup of water across the table to her.

"My name is John Shepard. Please, call me John. My associate is Detective Garrus Vakarian. What's your name, miss?" he asked pleasantly.

The woman's scowl deepened for a moment and then she sighed, "Lady Dana Cousland, Grey Warden from the Teyrnir Highever." she stated perfunctorily.

Garrus snorted, "What is that? Some kind of claim to royalty?"

She stared and answered back acidly, "Of course not. It's nobility, not royalty."

John waved his hand between them, "Ah hah… good to know the difference. Although, I must say, maam. I am not familiar with Highever. Is that the name of your planet or a region of one?"

At this, the woman blinked at him in confusion, "Planet? You mean like those things in the sky that glow like stars, but Astrologers say aren't really stars?"

John exchanged a look with Garrus before turning back to the woman with a smile. "Um… yes."

The woman's eyes darted back and forth between the two. Her lips were pursed as she appeared to be deciding on something. She finally nodded to herself and pegged John with an intense look, "Highever's a small region of Ferelden which is a country of the land called Thedas. I have never seen a place such as this anywhere, so it's easy for me to assume that I'm not anywhere near home anymore. I do not know what you mean by this talk of planets. The artifact transported us away from where we were. That's all I know."

Garrus leaned forward with a frown, "What artifact?"

The woman scowled at him again. "The big, round, silver one with the pointy end." she stated, some of the earlier acidity coming back.

John smiled again and pulled Garrus back by the shoulder, "Ah.. you mean the mass relay."

The woman blinked at him, again confused, "The what?"

"The mass relay."

"What's a mass relay?"

"It's the device that you described. It's a means of travel great distances in a short period of time."

"Oh kay… So, you people use this mass relay as a means of travel?"

"Yes."

"Then why was there one in Ostagar? I've never seen people like you anywhere in Ferelden before."

"Ostagar? Ah… well, no, you wouldn't have. We didn't create the mass relays. We just use them."

"Uh huh."

Garrus snorted again and looked at John before turning back to the woman, "Miss Cousland, you mean to tell us, that you just found a mass relay on your planet? And you'd never seen it before? I don't believe that. These things are beyond large. They are many miles wide and even more in length. It should've been very easy to spot."

Dana shook her head at Garrus. "No no no. The artifact we found was nowhere near as large. It was maybe thirty or so feet tall and less than half as wide. As for why we'd never seen it before. It had been magically sealed in a room in the catacombs below Ostagar. No one's been that way for generations."

Garrus balked, "Whoa.. wait? Magic? Are you serious? Shepard, we can't take this seriously. Magic?"

Dana scowled at Garrus, "Oh well excuse me if your people found some way to block my mages access to the fade! You nearly killed Wynne with that stunt, thank you very much!" she sniped back, clearly incensed.

John watched while Garrus and the woman argued back and forth about the validity of her claims before he interrupted with his hand on Garrus' shoulder again. "Maam, tell me. What's the fastest method of travel for your people?"

Garrus stared at John like he'd lost his marbles, but subsided, trusting his commander's intuition. Dana also appeared to be questioning his sanity but answered anyway. "By horse," she stated simply.

"And what do you use for lighting?"

"Oil lamps and candles usually. Some places have nice chandeliers," she snarked at him.

John looked over at Garrus, who was now examining the woman carefully. John then pushed a small green button on the table. "Thank you for your patience, Miss Cousland. Your escort will take you back to your cell now."

John sighed and rubbed the back of his neck as she was escorted out once again. Garrus glared at John, "Will you explain now? What was that last line of questioning all about?"

John grinned and tapped the table with his fingers, "She didn't know what a mass relay was. They showed up wearing and wielding antique armor and weaponry by our standards, all well used by the way. She mentioned magic as though it were real. If you think about it… say you'd never seen nor even heard of biotics before. Had no clue the stuff they do could even be possible. Wouldn't you also think of it as magic?"

Garrus frowned and then nodded before motioning for John to continue with his explanation. "Okay. I can see that."

John nodded, smiling more. "So, considering what we know about the miniature mass relays, who's to say that there aren't more out there? That maybe the small ones were intended to be planet level transportation for use without a ship? We made the jaunt from Ilos to the Citadel on the mako. Who says it can't be done on foot? And who's to say that this woman's civilization isn't several centuries behind us in technology and just accidentally happened upon the relay?"

Garrus nodded. "That seems to be the case. We should try and confirm this with the other prisoners. See if we can find a conflict in the story." John nodded and called out for the next interviewee.

John looked up and smiled as the guard brought in the raven haired woman next. His smile faltered as he saw just the state of the woman's uniform. The legs of the pants had been ripped off to make very short shorts out of them. And the shirt had been creatively torn so that it was pulled around the neck, crossed in front and then tied in back. Strips of the remainder had been used to tie up her hair and also braided into bracelets and anklets that she now wore. John noticed Garrus gaping openly and reached over to close his mouth, internally checking to make sure his own was closed as well.

He should have known things would only go down from there. The interview was short as the woman was extremely combative and proceeded to insult Garrus and himself rather thoroughly. Dr. Chakwas interrupted, saying that while the woman was still early in her pregnancy, she didn't want to cause any undue issues with upsetting her. John signed, knowing that Chakwas had determined that the child was unusual. He nodded and allowed 'Morrigan' to be returned to the cell.

A red haired woman was next. She identified herself as Leliana and that she was a bard. She talked incessantly about everything they asked and then plenty they didn't want to know about. Like how many dresses an Orlesian bard really needed for a show. John thanked her and sighed in relief once she was gone.

Next was the elder woman, who appeared even more pale as she was brought in. She was much more informative about what they called magic and this place she referred to as the fade. Unfortunately, she was completely mum about the strange energy readings Dr. Chakwas had discovered during 'Wynne's' medical scan. She merely said that because of how far they were from Thedas, her connection to the fade was tenuous at best and that it endangered her health.

John compared notes with Garrus and then nodded for the guards to start bringing the males. Hopefully their story would make sense soon.

First in was the human male. Alistair, as he identified himself, snarked back and forth with Garrus throughout the interrogation. Yes, he was engaged to Dana Cousland. No it wasn't any of their business and they couldn't come to the wedding either. And what in the maker's name was Garrus anyway? Some kind of new demon from the fade?

After that was the very tall male, Sten. John began to think this one could give Wrex competition in the department for one word answers. He was silent, did not respond to goading or politeness and left with the guard as though everything were exactly as he expected it.

The guard then manhandled the short one into the room next. He yelled, shouted, and generally caused a ruckus before being seated in his chair. Once the interrogation finally started, Oghren then treated them to a verbal treatise on the finer points of dwarven ale and dwarven women. Garrus was merely reduced to a quiet stupor at this point.

Finally they brought in the effeminate male, who apparently was an elf. Zevran, painted lurid pictures with his words, twisting every question into some horrid innuendo that left Shepard and Garrus blinking in embarrassment. Zevran finally leaned forward and leered at Garrus, "So… tell me, Mr. Vakarian. Have you ever licked a lamppost in winter?"

Garrus replied with a dumbfounded, "Huh?"

Zevran frowned. "That's odd. It worked so well when Alistair tried that on Dana," he mumbled.

John finally dismissed the last prisoner and let his head thunk down on the table. "Well… they're all crazy," he muttered in consolation to Garrus.

Garrus nodded, from where he was uncharacteristically slumped in his seat, "Indeed. Crazy.. and all telling the same story. Where ever they're from, it's not anywhere around here."

John laughed bitterly into the tabletop and then sighed as he started to consider his next options.


	4. Chapter 4

The My Fair D.A.M.E. Project

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is for amusement only.

------------------

After a long day of interviews, discussion with his team, reading Dr. Chakwas' medical reports and doing minor public relations work, John found himself sitting at the desk in his office staring at the still yet undone pile of reports that had been interrupted just that morning. He sighed and reached for the top report when the door chime rang out and caused him to jump in his seat. He muttered a mild curse under his breath and called out, "Enter."

He looked less surprised to see his girlfriend, Ashley Williams, standing in the doorway. She was dressed in casual civilian clothes and smiled knowingly at John. "Don't even touch that report. We're going to dinner and then you're going home and straight to bed. It's twenty two hundred hours and we've got that meeting with the Council first thing tomorrow morning."

John moaned in horror. "That's just lovely. They're butting in now?"

"What? You didn't get the memo?"

"There was a memo?"

"Yeah… four hours ago."

John checked his inbox and sighed, again. There was a whole slew of memos. One for the meeting with the Council. To discuss the findings, status and final judgements regarding the newly arrived 'guests'. Several more regarding public media requests for information about the arrivals. One bill from C-Sec regarding a destroyed prison uniform. John resolutely shoved the image of just what that woman had done to the uniform from his mind and closed his inbox.

"Alright then. Dinner, sleep and then tomorrow's sideshow circus special," he grumbled good naturedly at Ashley. Ashley barked out a short laugh and pulled John out of his office by his arm.

"Come on. The team's waiting at the Flux. They were still laughing at Garrus' description of the interviews. I wanna know what he's not telling us." John laughed and locked up his office. A few rounds of laughter with the team would certainly be of use, he mused.

* * *

John sat awkwardly in the chair of the conference room, listening to Dr. Chakwas go over the significance of some of her more unusual findings from the previous day's medical scans. The Council, as usual, was disgruntled at having their hard earned peace and harmony disrupted yet again. John mused that someone should inform them that the universe was out to get them. He then pitied that messenger. He tuned back into Dr. Chakwas explanation, reminding himself that this was important.

"Of the four males, only one is clearly definable as human by DNA scan. The other three have similar DNA structures with some very distinct and obvious differences. Their physical differences also lend credence to the summation that they are in essence not human. They also do not match the DNA records of any race currently held in the Citadel medical libraries. I have sent copies on to the various known medical libraries in association with the Citadel in hopes that we'll find a stray record that has not been copied over yet."

John spoke up at this point, "According to yesterday's interrogation, their races are each respectively called the Qunari, the Dwarves and the Elves. They were unable to offer any explanation regarding the medical differences between themselves and humans other than the obvious."

Dr. Chakwas nodded in thanks for the clarification and then continued her report, "All four of the females that we have in custody are human. One is in perfect health, within the expected standards if one ignores the expected regulations regarding vaccinations and operations done during early childhood. Another is also in excellent health with the same standards, with the additional note that she bears an unusual parasite-antibody symbiosis in her bloodstream that we are still analyzing. The human male also bears the same symbiosis and his is being analyzed in comparison.

The other two women are notable in that they both bear the same genetic markers that denote biotic capability in humans. The elder of the two has an unusual energy reading that appears to be an altered form of biotic energy. The readings have been sent to the biotic studies labs for further comparison. The energy appears to have a radiation like effect on the woman's body. The extent and purpose of the effects are still being determined. What's more, her state of health is debilitated though recovering at the current moment. This morning's check up showed a rise in healthy symptoms and a decrease in fatigue and nausea.

The other woman in addition to having a lesser degree of the radiation effects, while not having the same energy reading, is notable in that she's less than one month pregnant, and the child has yet another strange energy reading. Also similar to biotic energy fields, but different from what the elder woman displays. DNA comparison shows the child's father is the human male that we have in custody."

John started and sat upright, "What? But he's engaged to the human female named Dana Cousland, not to the 'mage' Morrigan."

Dr. Chakwas blinked at him and then down at her report. "Interesting. I'll see if the energy readings has anything to do with the symbiotic process occurring within their blood stream and whether it's sexually transmitted. With any hope, it's not detrimental and infection of the mother will cause no issues."

John slumped back in his seat and went back to looking at his copy of the medical report. These people just kept getting more confusing. The Asari Councilor nodded at John's input and then turned back to Dr. Chakwas, "Is there anything else?"

Dr. Chakwas shook her head, "That's the last of it, councilors. I must say that there's some interesting readings here that should make for lengthy research opportunities. I would like to be kept abreast of the findings."

The Asari Councilor nodded in response and then turned to John, "Commander Shepard, what were the findings of yesterday's interrogations?"

John stood in front of his chair and picked up his copy of the assimilated data he and Garrus had gathered the day before. "To start, it is now my belief that these people, while eccentric and unusual, are not a threat to the Citadel, nor did they ever intend to be. Dana Cousland is their chosen leader. She acts essentially as a captain over what we would consider a special forces or black ops squad. Her second in command would be the human male, named Alistair. They bear the rank of Grey Warden, who from what we were able to determine was a special group of 'warriors' whose sole purpose was to hunt down a series of creatures titled Darkspawn. It was explained to me that the Darkspawn are perversions of life and generally caused violence and death where ever they were found.

The two women, whom Dr. Chakwas identified unusual energy patterns with, were described by all parties as mages. Some of the ah… 'spells' that were described to us were reminiscent of biotic capabilities. Unfortunately, their connection to what they call the Fade, or the land of dreams, is strained to the point of breaking here and thus disabling their ability to do magic. It is stated that the thinning of this connection is the expected cause of the elder mage's poor health. They did not speak of the other mage's pregnancy.

The others are each respectively known as two warriors, a bard and an assassin. They each have their own set of quirks and should be watched closely as they are integrated into day to day life.

I say integrated because, as the investigation continues, it is becoming rapidly apparent that returning them to their home is not only beyond difficult to do, but might be detrimental to the technological development of their world. The investigations dated their world's status to what essentially is preindustrial. Horse and buggy and oil lamps, Councilors. That being said, they appear to be quick to learn and can, with assistance and some rehabilitation, be integrated into our society with only a few minor issues.

As for how they got here, they confirmed that they found a mass relay hidden in a set of catacombs on their planet sealed behind a metal door. The glyphs on the door were drawn out for us by the two mages. They match some of the language of the keepers. The relay's size is also comparable to the miniature relay that resides here in the Presidium where they arrived."

With that, John sat and waited for the inevitable questioning to begin. The Turian Councilor turned away from the window he'd been examining and pinned John with his usual glare. "If they're no trouble, then explain why they attacked you yesterday."

John nodded and spoke, "They were, initially disoriented from the relay travel as they've never traveled at such speeds before. This brought about what they agreed was a series of bad judgement errors when their leader mistook my aggressiveness as an attack on her fiance. In their understanding it was attempted self defense on misguided knowledge."

The Turian Councilor frowned and turned back to the window. The Salarian Councilor spoke up at this point, "So, these people have no understanding of our current technological state whatsoever?"

John shook his head, "No, Councilor. Some of the guards concurred with this assessment as they had to um… coach the prisoners in the use of the cleaning and waste disposal facilities." The Salarian Councilor blinked and then nodded his understanding.

"And you say there's no known way to return them?"

John nodded, yet again, "The investigation is proving difficult in finding the return path of the relay used through the diagnostic software connected to our end of the relay. We believe the relay on the other end malfunctioned and did not connect properly. The C-Sec officer handling that end of the investigation says some of the scientists believe that the sending relay had been queued up for use and then never activated. Over time the queueing instructions had decayed and then when activated by the presence of the detainees, malfunctioned. It had lost the chosen destination relay and so deposited them at the central processing relay. The return path information would have already been sent ahead to the appropriate receiving relay before the queue decay and the ensuing malfunction. So by that understanding, there's no way to know where they came from. Secondly, as I stated previously, their exposure to our technology could have detrimental effects on their societies' developments."

At this the other two councilors turned and looked at the Asari Councilor who only shook her head at them. The Turian Councilor turned and addressed the room at large. "We are going to go and deliberate on the prisoners' status and what should be done about it."

Once the Councilors had disappeared through a door in the back of the conference room, John flopped back in his chair. "Why did I agree to be a spectre again?" he muttered to no one in particular.

"To save the Universe from Saren and the Reapers." said Ashley.

"To be allowed to chase down all the spacefaring criminals at your leisure." snarked Garrus.

"To shoot at things and not get yelled at." spoke Wrex.

Tali looked at the others and then at John. She spoke up with obvious sarcasm, "You mean it wasn't for the free ship?"

John snorted a laugh and then shook his head at Tali. "Now there's priorities," he chuckled.

And just like that, everyone finally relaxed and started trading jokes, most at the cost of the Commander himself. An hour passed and they didn't feel the loss of it for the companionship and the calm moment it provided. But it was over too soon as the Council reemerged from the back chamber and took their places at the head of the table.

The Asari Councilor spoke again, "Commander Shepard, it is the agreement and decision of this council that any attempt to return the detainees is a waste of resources and a reckless endangerment of a developing planet. We are also of the agreement that their integration into a peaceful non-weapon bearing society would be an even larger waste of resources. Namely their skills and tactical knowledge as fighters. They are hereby assigned to you as a special forces group under your command in addition to the forces you already have. Additional funding will be routed to your spectre account to handle the extra personnel. If they express a wish to no longer remain under your command, then when you deem them safe enough to do so, they may be reassigned to a border colony as security detail. Any questions?"

John Shepard, spectre and lieutenant commander of the Alliance Navy, blinked in surprise. And here he thought he was done with surprises for the year. "They're being assigned to me?"

"Yes, Commander."

"You do know that I'm not the best choice for babysitter on the Citadel right?"

"We disagree, Commander. We think you'll make an excellent babysitter."

John frowned at them and then nodded. "Orders acknowledged. I guess I better go brief my new… teammates." He shared a brief 'what in the universe just happened' look with his companions and then left the conference room with his team on his heels. He forwarded orders and codes for their release and to have them taken to his office. It was going to be rather chaotic, he thought mulishly.


	5. Chapter 5

The My Fair D.A.M.E. Project

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is for amusement only.

* * *

Dana Cousland wiped tears from her eyes as she finally managed to get her laughter under control. She and the other ladies had just finished comparing stories on their interrogations. Morrigan's vivid description of the shocked faces of every person she passed as well as the two men that had questioned them had landed all four of them in incessant giggles. A guard had stopped in front of the energy veil halfway through to see what the matter was. He walked away muttering about insane women.

Dana finally caught her breath and sat up straight again, "Honestly though, Morrigan. How did you manage to get your clothes ripped up like that? This cloth is rather thick," she asked curiously. Wynne snorted and rolled her eyes.

Leliana smiled. "I helped her," she chirps brightly, "She held one end and I held another and we both pulled. You should've seen the guards staring while we were working on her shirt!" The women fell into giggles again.

They continued in this vein, trading ideas and giggling over staring guards for a few more hours. The rest of the day passed quietly. Food was brought, though not of any variety they had ever seen. It was bland, but filling. Morrigan chose to make her complaints known rather loudly. They thought they heard Oghren yelling his agreement back. It was hard to tell as the energy veils muted sound rather well. Finally they climbed into the various bunks and fell asleep, if from nothing else but sheer boredom. Dana worried about the state of their boys in their own cell. She hoped they were okay also. She also wondered about Snuggles. She'd not heard or seen him since waking up in the cell. She fell into a fitful sleep filled with small nightmares about her friends being taken away by the strange people she'd seen in the halls.

Morning was announced by a guard coming and taking them to that bright room with the strange water-filled chairs again. They were taught how to use something that the female guard called a shower and then watched while they cleaned themselves. Morrigan was rather nonplussed to find her artfully rearranged clothing had been taken and replaced with another set of the same boring prison clothes. Everyone's had been replaced with a clean set. Getting dressed, Dana patted Morrigan on the shoulder consolingly and winked at her conspiratorially. Morrigan huffed and put the clothes on.

Once dressed they were returned to the cell and a waiting breakfast of more odd yet bland food. They thought they heard Alistair yelling this time. Morrigan yelled at him to shut up. Not that they were sure he could hear them. Once their food was gone and guards had collected the utensils and left, Dana grinned widely at Morrigan and Leliana. "I think we should do a different design today." Leliana squealed and Morrigan started stripping. Once done, they'd manage a wrapped top and matching skirt with the addition of more braided bracelets and even fancier hair this time. No guards came to stare to their disappointment.

Finally, a guard in a different uniform stepped into view. He was one of the tall, skinny bug-eyed people. He blinked at Morrigan for a moment before turning off the veil. "The four of you are to come with me. The Council has decided what is to be done with you." he stated neutrally.

Dana scowled, "Oh.. a judgement and no trial? What crimes have we committed anyhow?"

The huge eyes turned and looked at her, "As a total group, no crimes are being charged against you. You are being released into protective custody for social integration and training. You specifically, Dana Cousland, were initially charged with assault and battery against a Spectre and an officer of the Alliance Navy. But those charges have been dropped by Commander Shepard. Now, come with me."

Dana's scowl deepened as the strange man turned and walked down the hall. Dana tromped after him. His explanation seemed fishy to her, but what else were they going to do? The other women fell into place behind her. They noted with trepidation and worry that the men's cell was empty.

They were led past all the various halls filled with cells and doors and finally brought to a strange, larger set of doors. They swished opened and the tall man entered and stood by a glowing green panel. He watched them impatiently, waiting for them to follow him in. Dana, scowl still in place, strided in and stood right next to the man, just close enough to be rude. The other women traded glances and then stood on the other side of the strange circular room.

The man pushed the glowing panel and the doors slid shut. Then the room lurched into motion going up. Dana unprepared for the sudden movement staggered and threw her arms out for balance. One hand connected with the tall man's shoulder and she grabbed onto it for balance. She felt him grip her elbow in response though he had not twitched and had been fully prepared for their reactions. Dana, feeling sheepish nodded gratefully at him before turning and looking at her friends. They each wore various expressions of stricken surprise while leaning against each other and the wall.

The man spoke again, "It's called an elevator. It's a method of traveling between floors of a building with greater ease than provided by a stairwell." They blinked at him for a moment and then at each other.

Morrigan finally huffed and said, "Well it's got strange taste in music. That is what those atrocious sounds are right? Music?" The man snorted and nodded.

Leliana's curiosity got the better of her and she spoke up, "What are you anyway? You're not human."

He snorted and looked at her, "My kind are called Salarians. And no, we're nothing like humans. You'll learn about the various races we know about soon enough."

And just like that, the elevator stopped and the four women, while slightly prepared for it, each staggered a little in place. The doors slid open and the Salarian stepped out and started down the hall. Dana and the others jogged to catch up. She looked around, surprised to see a little more color and some evenly placed pots filled with large green plants. They were swept down a number of halls, each varying in decorations and plant types, before stopping in front of a door. A small sign on the wall said, "Lieutenant Commander Shepard, Spectre and Alliance Navy" The Salarian punched a small blue button next to yet another one of those odd glowing panels. The door swished open and the Salarian gestured for the women to enter. He then turned and left as he came.

Dana peeked into the door and was surprised to see Alistair, Sten, Oghren and Zevran already there. She smiled and threw herself into a hug around Alistair's neck. He quickly wrapped his arms around her and buried his face into her hair. They murmured how much they missed each other and completely forgot about the rest of the room. Until the sound of a throat clearing itself, as well as series of feminine giggles made them aware of being watched. Separating quickly Dana found herself scowling at the human man from the day before. He smiled politely.

* * *

John frowned lightly when he saw how crowded his office was now. His usual team plus the eight new arrivals. He cleared his throat one more time and then spoke, "I'm sorry for the amount of room in here, but it's the only place that seemed to make sense for the moment. Ash, remind me to put in a request for one of those conference suites that's been recently freed up. With this many of us, we're going to need it." Ashley nodded and smiled.

John looked back into Dana's unchanged scowl and forced himself to smile again. "I bet you have a lot of questions. I'll just start with the basics for now. Essentially, our techs have discovered that there's no way for us to return you home. And so, you are going to need accommodations. The council, decided that skilled people such as yourselves really shouldn't be left to your own devices and so have decided that I'm going to be your… caretaker now. You are all now registered under the information you gave in your interviews as Citadel citizens, unallied with any particular faction or race. You have also been given the same authorizations and privileges of our general law enforcement personnel.

You'll be put through a two week crash course explaining our technology, laws, customs and general information we believe you'll need to know. Once that's done, you'll be issued your identification papers and new gear. If you wish to keep your old gear, then you may, though I don't know how much use some of it's going to be. Around that time, my ship, the Normandy will have been out of dry dock and finished all it's tests. You'll be joining my team and I as we fulfill any orders from the Council as well as any other assignments that I pick up along the way. Any questions?"

Dana looked at her people and then back at John, "So… we're being assigned as warriors under your command?"

John nodded, "Yes… although the terms we'd use nowadays is soldiers or specialists on my team."

Alistair spoke up next, "And just what do you and your team… do, exactly? You say law enforcement… do you go around slapping people on the wrist for stealing?"

John snorted a quick laugh and shook his head, "Not exactly no. We are a form of law enforcement, yes. I'm a Spectre, a member of an organization called Special Tactics and Reconnaissance. Spectre's answer only to the council and no other government or legal body. We have the ability to do whatever is necessary to get our job done, even if it means breaking the laws ourselves. Now, personally, I believe that breaking the law to stop a lawbreaker does not solve the problem. It makes us just as bad as the criminals themselves. So, while under my command, I expect you to do everything within normal legal boundaries. As for what we do, well, the council sends Spectres and their teams out to bring down the criminals that have escaped outside the reach of normal police and investigators. We also take on assignments that require a more military approach but are generally too small for an entire army. Does that answer your question?"

Alistair nodded, his lips pursed in thought. John smiled and looked at the rest, "Any more questions?"

Ogrhen shouldered forward "Yah. Who're they?" he grunted, inclining his head towards John's teammates on the other side of the room.

John smiled sheepishly, "Of course, I forgot the introductions. These are the current members of my team. You'll be working with them as well as myself. First is Gunnery Sergeant Ashley Williams. You've all met Detective Garrus Vakarian. We also have Dr. Liara T'Soni, Urdnot Wrex and Tali'zorah narr Rayah. You'll have the chance to get to know them over the next two weeks as we run you through the materials for your integration. Anything else?"

Dana nods and says, "Yeah… where's Snuggles?"

John blinked for a moment, "Snuggles?"

"Yes. Snuggles."

"Who's Snuggles?"

"My Mabari! A war dog?"

"Oh the dog! He's been staying in a kennel down in the wards. I think Tali's been checking on him everyday."

Tali nodded, "I have. He's in good health, if not vacillating between sulking and causing terror for the workers. They want to know when we're gonna come claim him."

John sighed and nodded at Tali. "I'll have the papers ready for you to pull him out. In the meantime, my request for a secure section of the wards for training and residence has been granted. We'll get everyone situated there this evening. But first… lunch has been brought up to one of the conference rooms." John said before leading the way out of his office.


	6. Chapter 6

The My Fair D.A.M.E. Project

Chapter 6

Author's Note: A cop out chapter till I get my last bit of organization in place. Story's not dead, just delayed. Enjoy the vagueness.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is for amusement only.

* * *

Another another random planet, in another part of the Galaxy

The mechanical sentries looked up at the miniature mass relay as it briefly attempted to stutter to life and then fell silent again. They twittered nervously back and forth to each other in their mechanical language for a moment before one of them was shoved forward. It turned and looked at its companions reproachfully before bridging the rest of the distance to the relay.

Gingerly, it opened a panel and then began to interact with the console inside. Several moments later the queries and diagnostics revealed an address. It twittered back at its companions in query. They twittered back in response. It huffed a sigh through it's cooling vents and then turned and loped away down the path that led to the relay.

The sentry weaved its way through complicated hallways and turned through numerous doors before finally arriving in what could be easily identified as a space dock. It fearfully approached the massive ship and twittered softly at it.

A résonant voice called out, "Speak." The sentry launched into a nervous rambling series of twitters, clicks and mechanical whirls. It soon fell silent and stood there. The dock was silent a moment more before the voice said, "Interesting. Activate the secondary teams and instruct them to remain with this relay. Then gather the rest, we will investigate this… planet."

* * *

A/N - Dun dun dun! Plot! It's happening! *hides*


	7. Chapter 7

The My Fair D.A.M.E. Project

Chapter 7

Author's Note: This chapter has been completely rewritten. The previous version no longer exists. I hope you didn't love it cuz in the end I wondered what head injury I must've been sporting to post it. Anyhow, here's the rewrite. I hope this is much better.

In addition, I couldn't find a mention of Dr. Chakwas' first name so I named her Carolyn after her voice actor. :)

Holy crap this ended up long. I apologize. I couldn't bear to split it into two chapters.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is for amusement only.

* * *

Dana shifted uncomfortably on the padded table. The pseudo-paper thing that she was wearing was not comfortable. It also didn't cover much nor keep her very warm. She wanted her old clothes back. She'd even take the weird prison clothes that she'd been wearing recently over the current attire. She'd been informed that this was what she was inspected to wear for her appointment with Dr. Chakwas, so she was.

Dr. Chakwas came in the door and smiled in a friendly manner, "Okay then, Miss Cousland, did Commander Shepard explain to you what we're doing today?"

Dana shook her head, "No. I know you examined me before, so what are we doing now?"

Dr. Chakwas smiled again, "Well… we'll be starting your first set of vaccinations and gene therapy. I'll also be taking a few other notes for your medical file."

Dana frowned slightly, "Umm.. what are vaccinations and gene therapy?"

Chakwas blinked at Dana and then chuckled abruptly. "Right.. okay then. Vaccinations are a type of medicine that I'm going to inject in you that prevents you from getting major diseases. The gene therapy is a little something that some local scientists put together to get you and your people up to speed with the genetic modifications that everyone receives in childhood now."

Dana smiled sheepishly, "Okay… what are genetic modifications then?"

Chakwas responded with a sheepish smile of her own, "Of course. Umm… let's see. Okay, so genes are basically the code inside our bodies that decides how we look and function. Sometimes those genes contain code for deformities or disorders that are hard to deal with or medically treat. Technology today has allowed us to figure out how to alter our genes a small amount to prevent these problems. Now normally this is done with a series of smaller shots over the course of early childhood. You and your people are adults and are capable of handling larger doses. Also, we have less time for the medical treatments to occur before the Council decides you need to start being… productive. Make sense?"

Dana nods softly, "I think so. Does.. altering our genes hurt?"

Dr. Chakwas shook her head, "Not in the manner that you're expecting. You may experience a few side effects like insomnia, upset stomach, digestive tract issues, dizziness and headaches for a few days. By all accounts you should be fine about a week after the last treatment. Anything else?"

Dana shook her head, "Not that I can think of."

"Let's get to it then," Dr. Chakwas said cheerily before pulling over a wheeled table with a tray of syringes on it.

Dana's eyes widened when she saw the needles. "What are those?" she asked testily.

Dr. Chakwas smiled back firmly and said, "Syringes for your shots."

"You're going to stick those in me?"

"Yes."

"I really rather you didn't."

"Too bad. Now sit back down on that table and take it like a grown woman."

Dana sullenly settle back on the table with a pouting frown. She eyed the needles on the tray as Dr. Chakwas, cleaning wipes in hand, approached. A quick swipe up and down the inside of Dana's arm left her shivering as the liquid quickly cooled and evaporated. Dr. Chakwas' grip on her armed firmed a little more as she took up the first of several syringes. "Now try to relax, you will feel a pinch, but it'll only hurt if you tense up."

Dana nodded nervously and took a deep breath and then promptly yelped as the needle plunged quickly into her arm. "A little pinch?" she asked shakily once the syringe was removed.

Dr. Chakwas smiled grimly as she disposed of the syringe, not letting go of Dana's arm, "Yes, that was a pinch. Stay calm or it gets worse."

Dana nodded softly again and then proceeded to bite her tongue through the rest of the injections. She pouted sullenly at Dr. Chakwas as the woman applied brightly colored adhesive bandages over the injection spots.

Dr. Chakwas finished cleaning up and then pegged Dana with a firm glare, "Now.. do not pick at the bandages for another hour, then you may take them off and throw them away. If you see any unusual redness or a rash developing, contact me immediately. If you feel faint or you vomit, contact me immediately. If you pass out, please do so in front of someone who will contact me immediately. Now, drink this and you may go."

Dana looked at the glass of clear liquid warily and asked, "What is it?"

Dr. Chakwas laughed, "It's water, dear. You're dehydrated."

Dana blinked and then smiled ruefully before downing the water. She handed the glass back to Dr. Chakwas who took it out of the room with her allowing Dana to get dressed again.

* * *

Back out in the 'waiting room', Dana sat down next to Alistair who poked lightly at the row of brightly colored bandages on Dana's arm. "What are those?" he asked curiously.

Dana smiled widely at him, her eyes taking a slightly evil glint to them. Alistair shrunk back from her and then eyed her arm warily again. "Oh you're going to act like that then, are you? Well two can play at that game," he huffed before crossing his arms and pretending to be unaffected. Dana merely leaned closer, her grin growing that small touch wider.

"Alistair, you're next!"

Alistair jumped when Dr. Chakwas' voice rang out loudly from the doorway. He blinked at her and then at Dana, panic blooming on his face. He slowly got up and approached the doorway like it held a dragon on the other side. The minute he was in reach, Dr. Chakwas hand shot out and snagged him by the ear, "Oh quit being a baby. She's just playing with your head. Get in here and quit wasting my time!"

The rest of Chakwas' lecture was cut off by the snap of the door closing behind them. Leaving Dana to snicker playfully while the rest of her team shifted worriedly in their seats.

* * *

Alistair now sat on the same padded table as before, shifting in his own paper dress, trying desperately to think of anything but what horrors his active imagination was coming up with to explain Dana's arm. He sat up straighter and attempted to keep the alarm off his face when Dr. Chakwas swept into the room.

She snorted at him, "Oh calm down, I don't bite. Too much possibility for infection if I break the skin."

Alistair smiles weakly, "Oh.. that's um… that's great, because I'd hate to have to explain that Dana. And I would have to because we're engaged and all. And so I really don't want anyone to get the wrong idea and all. I mean.. is this attire absolutely necessary? It's kind of drafty if you know what I mean."

Chakwas smiled at him and reigned in the urge to pat him on the head like a child, "Yes, it's necessary. Now… To explain why you're here…" She started up, going over the lecture she gave Dana and smiled when Alistair seemed to relax a little as they conversed. "Any questions?" she finished off.

Alistair mused a bit and then shook his head. Dr. Chakwas nodded and then pulled over the wheeled tray table. Having not noticed it before, Alistair balks at the number of needles laid in a row on the gleaming surface. "Dear Maker… is that what you used on Dana?"

Dr. Chakwas snorted and shook her head, "Not these particular syringes, but yes, she also received the same number of injections. Why? Think you can't handle it when she could?"

Alistair balked and then frowned at the Doctor, "Of course I can handle it… It's just a bunch of tiny blades. Not like you're going to kill me with them…"

Dr. Chakwas barked out a short merry laugh, "Of course not. You'll live. Might be uncomfortable for a few days with the side effects I mentioned before, but yes, you'll live."

Alistair's frown lifted into a small sheepish smile and then nodded at her. With the go ahead given, Chakwas took the alcohol pad and swabbed Alistair's arm. She then took the first of the syringes and smiled widely at Alistair, "Now.. just a little pinch. Be the big, strong warrior I know you, okay?"

Alistair suppressed an unmanly yelp and then managed to sit through the rest of the injections silently. His shoulders slumped as she then applied the numerous brightly colored bandages. He looked up at her warily, "And that's it?"

"That's all for today, yes."

"There's more?"

"In one week, we'll have another set of injections."

"Maker's breath…"

Dr. Chakwas smiled calmly and patted him on the shoulder, "Oh don't worry, good patients get a treat." She pulled a small lollipop from her pocket and handed it to him.

Alistair blinked calmly at it and then back up at her in confusion. She laughed and pulled out another one to show him how to first pull off the plastic and then how to eat it. Alistair followed her example and then brightened considerably when he realized how sweet the candy was. "Oooh… I get another one of these in a week?"

"If you behave, yes."

"Yes Maam!"

"Good man. Go tell Wynne it's her turn, okay?" Dr. Chakwas said with a pleased smile before exiting to her office.

Alistair nodded and slipped off the table to put his clothes back on, happily sucking away on the lollipop.

* * *

Wynne sat primly on the table, sheathed in her own paper gown. She was calm, centered, at peace… and cold. She allowed the shiver to pass but her facial expression of calm did not alter once.

She could feel more of her companion spirit today than before. She heard the spirit's weak whispers in her dreams, knowing that it was making headway in reconnecting with her. She and It were both concerned and yet intrigued. Being so far from Thedas seemed to offer interesting ideas regarding how they connected with the Fade and how magic worked. The senior enchanter in Wynne was excited to consider the possibilities.

It seemed out here that they knew how magic worked and where it came from. It was.. a science to them. But this didn't explain her spirit companion and their connection, or the Fade as they didn't seem to have anything analogous to it. She mused on this silently to herself, personally relishing the possibility of learning more about the Fade and it's connection to their world than they'd ever managed before. There was so many questions that needed explaining.

But she decided those questions would have to wait when Dr. Chakwas entered with a cheerful, "Good morning!"

Wynne smiled widely and inclined her head in greeting, "Good morning to you as well, Doctor."

Chakwas grinned companionably, "And how are you feeling today? Your connection with your… friend any stronger?"

"Better and yes. I can feel it much stronger today. I think we'll recover just fine."

"It.. not he or she?"

"No.. spirits do not have gender that we know of or understand."

"Fascinating. We really must set aside some time to go over our understanding of your world, our world and how it connects. I've got some neural tests I'd like to run to see if I can trace some kind of physical connection between the two of you." Dr. Chakwas was clearly as excited as Wynne with the possible connections and discoveries awaiting them.

Wynne nodded happily, "I agree. The more we learn the better. I seem to recall the ah.. Asari? Dr. T'Soni was interested in the possibilities as well."

Dr. Chakwas nodded, "Indeed. She'd be invaluable in the study. In the meantime, for preparation I'd like it if you could record as much as you can about your world that would be effected by this study."

Wynne nodded back, "Gladly, it'll take some time to cover all the possible facets for study. So better to start sooner."

Chakwas acknowledged Wynne's statement and then leaned back against the counter. "Alright then… on to the business at hand." Wynne nodded and listened carefully as Dr. Chakwas, yet again, launched into a thorough explanation of the same things as before.

"And with your previous health conditions in mind, I considered delaying your treatments for another few days or even a week. But you've been recovering quickly enough that I don't think we'll have to worry about a degradation of your health. The potential side effects along side what you're already dealing with shouldn't be any worse than your first couple of days here."

Wynne nodded again, "I understand. I am ready whenever you are Doctor."

"Please… call me Carolyn."

Wynne smiled and then sat through the ensuing series of injections with only the slightest muffled murmurs of discomfort. She frowned in consternation at the multitude of bandages now adorning her arm, "That was.. unpleasant."

Dr. Chakwas huffed a tiny laugh, "True. I do not envy you and your friends. But I can say that you will all be better for it once it's over."

Wynne snorted and rolled her eyes, "Of course."

* * *

Dr. Chakwas found herself smiling fondly at the next woman sitting uncomfortably in a paper gown. Leliana made her objections to the lackluster quality of the attire known quite eloquently. There was no doubt the bard had her standards and medical grade examination gowns did not meet them.

Leliana huffed in the cold room and refused to resort to pouting again. It was obvious Dr. Chakwas was immune to her considerable charms.

Chakwas calmly informed the red-headed woman of the necessities and then asked if she had any questions. Leliana thought for a moment and then asked, "So.. how many of these… ah… treatments are we to have?"

"Four total sets of injections."

"I see.. and ah… we will have these treatments once a week?"

"Yes."

"So… three more times of…. wearing these awful clothes?"

Dr. Chakwas frowned and shook her head at Leliana, "Yes, three more times wearing a medical examination gown."

Leliana wilted at that. "Oh… I don't suppose you'd let me come up with something more ah… comfortable? Perhaps fashionable?"

Dr. Chakwas snorted and then pulled over the wheeled tray, "No. Now, no more stalling. Time for your treatments."

Leliana pouted through the injections only to brighten when she saw the open box of bandages. "What gloriously bright colors! Please, may I pick the colors I get?"

Dr. Chakwas laughed and gestured at the box, allowing the bard to color coordinate her medical care.

* * *

Morrigan sat stiffly in the paper gown, in the cold room on the just barely padded enough table. She mused to herself about how nothing had gone the way she had expected. She should have run the first chance she had instead of allowing herself to be roped into going to Ostagar by that damnable Warden and her kind, sisterly smile.

Now, there was nowhere to run. She knew nothing of this place or how it worked. Her connections to her magic had not returned and she felt beyond empty again. Just like before she had learned how to shapeshift. Not being able to change her shape was perturbing to her.

Sometimes she thought she could feel her connections with the Fade trying to reestablish itself. Just as though she had some connection like Wynne. But that was ridiculous… wasn't it?

Her hand hovered over her womb in contemplation. She hoped her child was doing okay in spite of all that happened. It seemed that her companions would have a hand in her child's young life after all. She did not appreciate this. But Doctor Chakwas had made it quite clear the last time they spoke that she wasn't going anywhere even if she had to tell Commander Shepard to put her under house arrest with dedicated guards.

Morrigan huffed and crossed her arms sullenly. What else was she to do then? Make nice with her companions? Pretend that she hadn't slept with Alistair? The man would hardly look her in the face as it was. Not that she minded. It was simply less of his simple-minded nattering that she had to listen to.

She put on the darkest scowl she could muster when Dr. Chakwas swept into the room. She listened in complete icy silence as the doctor explained what was going to happen and how her treatments were going to differ slightly from the others since she was pregnant.

It seemed that she (and Wynne due to her still recovering health) would be kept off the battle lines longer than her 'friends.' Not that she cared what they would be fighting since her magics were lost to her.

She merely nodded curtly and then managed to not even twitch through the injections. She scowled at the brightness of the bandages but said nothing. She then took her silence and her clothes and left the room, not caring for her state of dress.

Dr. Chakwas shook her head and considered telling Shepard to hire a psychologist.

* * *

Sten sat on the table with the paper gown draped over his lap. His hands were folded contentedly there as he waited for Dr. Chakwas to arrive.

She swept in and blinked in surprise at Sten. "I guess um.. it did not fit?"

Sten didn't even blink, "No."

Chakwas sighed, "I see… no matter. I will simply have to order some more Krogan sized gowns I guess."

Sten said nothing. Chakwas arched an eyebrow and muttered something about communication seminars before launching into a complicated rambling dissertation about the treatments he'd be receiving. Sten merely nodded at the appropriate points and then replied in the negative when she asked if he had any questions.

Chakwas huffed in irritation and then grabbed the syringes. Sten watched calmly, almost clinically, as Chakwas administered the injections. Once they were through, she reached for the box of bandages. Sten frowned and pulled his arm from her grip, "Those are unnecessary. These wounds are not enough to merit wasting your resources. Save those for another."

Chakwas blinked and then shrugged before putting the box back down. "Suit yourself. If they get infected I'm letting the nurse clean it out for you."

Sten nodded, "Very well."

* * *

Ogrhen picked at the oversized gown with a frown. He scowled at it and then at Dr. Chakwas when she came it. "What kind of frilly nonsense is this?" he demanded impatiently.

Chakwas frowned at him, "It's sterile attire provided to give you some warmth and modesty during a medical examination. It is neither frilly nor nonsense. Much to Leliana's dismay."

Ogrhen snorted, "Asschabs. It ain't warm and I dun need no modesty." And with that he ripped the gown off and tossed it to the side. Chakwas managed to mostly suppress the twitch that followed.

She managed to remain mostly professional as she explained the treatments to the scowling dwarf. She realized though when she pulled the tray of syringes closer that there was going to be trouble. "Don't you dare bolt. Sit back down this instant!" Ogrhen snorted again and then made a beeline for the door.

Oghren fled into the common room where nearly everyone was gathered, hollering, "I ain't gonna and ye cain't make me!" He darted behind a small couch that Dana and Alistair were currently occupying. Dana quickly slapped a hand over her eyes and then in retrospect, slapped one over Alistair's as well.

Dr. Chakwas emerged from the clinic with a green filled syringe in hand, "Heaven so help me, Ogrhen, you get your naked butt back here or I will shoot you myself!"

Ogrhen peeked up over the couch, "Ye could be Andraste herself and I wouldna come near ya with that torture device yer wavin' about!"

Dr. Chakwas fumed and turned to chase him from behind the couch. He darted away towards the other side of the room to escape out the door. This unfortunately had to take him past Sten and the table he was seated at. Sten scowled and reached out as Ogrhen ran by, grabbing him by the head and lifting him clear off the floor. Ogrhen's displeased shout rang out as he waved his arms and legs about for balance.

Chakwas, now angrier than anyone on the Normandy crew had ever seen her, slammed the needle home into Ogrhen's rear and injected the green fluid in. Two seconds later the dwarf hung limply from Sten's hand and a small snore emitted from his mouth.

Dr. Chakwas huffed and gestured silently at Sten to take Oghren back into the clinic room. She adjusted her lab coat and followed sedately, her calm restored. Sten came back out of the clinic and closed the door behind him before resuming his seat at the table.

The dead silence in the room was broken a moment later by a blushing Liara who covered her face with her hands and muttered, "Oh goddess…" Wrex burst out laughing, followed by the rest of the room.

* * *

Meanwhile, Zevran having seen the number of bandages his comrades were sporting as well as their less than pleased demeanors had excused himself to use the restroom. Having escaped the room, he quickly turned and headed to an area of the complex that he'd already scoped out and knew held a couple of decent hiding places.

He shifted a few crates and got comfortable, internally prepared to wait as long as necessary. He spent the better part of an hour keeping himself occupied with the same skill and patience he'd developed stalking his contracted assassinations.

Needless to say, he was utterly surprised when his covering crates were unceremoniously tossed aside revealing the tiny hallway alcove he'd claimed as his. He looked up and saw red armor. Looking further up, he saw the amused grin of one mildly entertained Wrex.

Wrex's grin then morphed into a full-blown smirk, his expression clearly showing the accomplished feeling of a predator having caught it's prey. Zevran found that he distinctly disliked being on the receiving end of that look.

Without commentary, preamble or further ado, Wrex simply reached in and grabbed Zevran by the ankle. He then turned and dragged the now pleading and flailing elf down the hallway back towards the makeshift examination room.

* * *

Zevran pouted to himself at his failure to escape his medical doom via his normal route. Therefore he was left to fall back on his… other skills.

He forwent the paper gown, posed on the padded table with as much sultriness as he could possibly ooze into a medical setting. No other woman had managed to resist him when he'd tried this tactic yet. He would be making a note to avoid the Krogan however.

Dr. Chakwas entered the room, took one look at Zevran and then muttered, "Great heavens…"

She crossed to the counter and launched, without preamble, into the lengthy explanation for what felt like to her the hundredth time that day. Finally winding down she asked, "Any questions?"

Zevran smiled his best come hither paired with a saucy wink, "Oh yes, dear lady. Just one. Will I be receiving kind comfort at your hands after the treatments are ah.. administered?"

Dr. Chakwas snorted, "Not the kind you're after. I imagine one of the unattached crew members might be more receptive to your charms however. And the sooner we get this done, the sooner you can go about seducing the rest of the female population around here."

Zevran pouted sulkily, "Only the female?"

In response, Chakwas grabbed his arm and went about applying the treatments.


	8. Chapter 8

The My Fair D.A.M.E. Project

Chapter 8

Author's Note: Firstly, I apologize for the delay. Guess it's my turn to do the old song and dance routine in update delay. Long story short: doctor's visits, traveling, massive head cold… oh and my hubby finally finished Mass Effect 2 so it's my turn to play and it has kidnapped my spare time in a big way. And I've started making jewelry again. What, me? A.D.D.? Why yes, yes I am.

Anyhow, I found the time and here we are. But first, go back and chapter and reread 7. I basically sacked the old chapter and rewrote it. I failed so hard with the last chapter that I wanted to cry. With some input and a lot of work, I finally got it the way I feel it should really have been written.

The last half of that chapter has been deleted for now. I may go back and redo that when I finally figure out how I want the concept of my Gray Warden and her vendetta against paper work to play out. Now.. for something else entirely.

Many thanks to Agent-G for his input and ideas.

Also, thanks to all my reviewers for the praises, they make me smile and brighten my day. And encourage me to get back to writing like a good little author.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is for amusement only.

* * *

Commander John Shepard called the Alliance personnel in the room to attention, standing and snapping into a salute himself. Internally he began go through every reason he could think of for Admiral Hackett to come to the training compound in person. This confusion was compounded by the accompanied presence of Councilor Anderson, who had unfortunately missed the meeting earlier that week.

Hackett surveyed the room and then nodded to Shepard, "As you were," he stated calmly, dismissing the rooms occupants back to their previous activities. He smiled at Shepard, who responded with a relaxed smile of his own. Anderson joined them as they shook hands.

"We caught a Spectre by surprise, Hackett. That takes some doing," he joked.

Hacket snorted and nodded, "Makes me wonder if you're going soft, Shepard."

John resisted the impulse to roll his eyes at the older men and instead settled for a confident stance, "Hardly. I simply figured that the two of you would've sent word ahead that you were coming. I should've remembered that you both prefer to keep me on my toes."

The men laughed and shook their heads. "Well you know what they say about people who 'assume', Commander," Anderson said.

"No kidding! How about assuming that the cripple can keep up with you two!" came a voice filled with snark and sarcasm.

John's smile grew bigger as he looked past his visitors to see a slightly grumpy but hardly worse for the wear pilot, "Joker!"

Joker grinned cheekily and waved as he joined them, "Good to see you, Commander. I can't wait to tell you about the upgrades I got to peek at when I stopped to check on the Normandy on my way here."

Hackett chuckled and nodded, "Indeed, the new systems being put in place will make her one of the most highly advanced ships in the galaxy, if not the most."

Anderson nodded before adding, "Not that she wasn't already close to that title already."

John smiled and gestured the men to a set of empty couches nearby before taking a seat himself. "Well, I'm glad to see all of you. I take it the academy graduation went well?"

Joker nodded, "Yeah, we got a good bunch of pilots joining the ranks this year. And Anderson's speech was nice too. Filled with lots of big fancy words that I didn't know."

Anderson snorted, "I'll get you a dictionary next time then."

"Why thank you, sir! I'll treasure it always."

John choked back an outright laugh, "As good as it is to have Joker back, and to see the two of you, I highly doubt escorting him here was your reason for coming."

Anderson nodded, his face turning serious as thoughts turned towards business, "True. I must say that I'm sorry that I missed the events here on the citadel. Udina made sure to send me the video of the meeting and all the notes involved. I agree with the rest of the council on the decision regarding our new arrivals. Admiral Hackett and I, are actually here to meet them and to get a feel from you on how the integration is going. I know it hasn't been long, but you know we like to stay on top of things."

John nodded, "Of course. I'd be happy to introduce you to all of them. They are a… colorful… bunch. And the integration seems to be going okay so far. They're managing to pick up the basics just fine, though we've had our moments. The worst day so far was giving them their first round of treatments to catch them up on the medical front. It was… interesting to say the least. Shall I give you the tour then?"

They all nodded and got up to follow as John gestured around them. "Well, you've already seen the entry way and the security measures installed there. This is front meeting room. It's really the only room large enough to have everyone who's staying here present all at once. And most of the Normandy crew is here right now to help with the integration, as well as to catch up with each other and to get ready for the Normandy to come out of dry dock. Through here is the kitchen, where as you can see, dinner preparations are well under way. And beyond that is the dining room."

John gestured to each area he'd spoken of before palming a door in the kitchen open and flipping on the lights. He smiled ruefully at Ogrhen who was seated on a stool in what appeared to be a very large pantry as he perused a box of several bottled wines. "Gentlemen, this is Ogrhen. He's a dwarf and the top of Dr. Chakwas' hit list."

Ogrhen looked up and smiled unashamedly at the elder men. "Hey there, ya wanna join meh fer a drink? I'm trying to decide which I wanna try first."

Anderson blinked, "First? How much are you going to drink?"

"How much? All of it, of course! Waste of booze not to!" Oghren snorted.

John sighed and then pulled a clear bottle filled with an effervescent green liquid out of the box, "Not this one you won't. Not unless you want Dr. Chakwas to pump your stomach and treat you for poisoning. Remember the lecture on amino acids? This is a Turian ale and not safe for dwarfs."

Ogrhen grumped, "Slept through that lecture… and I bet I could handle it."

He did not argue further as Joker snickered at him. "Well, yeah, but who wants to handle massive stomach cramps and a blinding migraine all at once?"

Oghren narrowed his eyes at Joker and then pulled the box of wines closer muttering something that sounded akin to 'cotton-stomached pansies' at them. John waved at Oghren before shutting off the lights and closing the pantry door again.

Hackett arched an eyebrow, "So… he's going to drink in the dark?"

John shrugged, "Dwarf. Spent a fair amount of time fighting in dark tunnels. He's not too fond of the sky and he was less than pleased to know that space was bigger than the sky and even more empty.

Anyhow, continuing our tour, in here we have one of the entertainment rooms. Some of the crew has taken it upon themselves to make sure our new teammates are properly versed in all manner of pop culture. And it appears that Alistair is watching Casablanca… again."

Alistair, hearing his name, paused the movie and twisted around in his seat to see John behind him with three men he'd not met before. "Oh… hello."

John chuckled, "Alistair. This is Councilor Anderson, Admiral Hackett and our pilot, Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau. Gentlemen, the second of the two gray wardens we acquired, Alistair."

Alistair stood and came around the small couch to shake hands, "An honor, sirs. I hope we live up to whatever expectations you have in mind for us. Though I hope that doesn't involve getting spit on by one of those Mesher Thraw things… that sounds disgusting.. and painful. I'm not particular fond of painful things."

John shook his head and clapped Alistair on the shoulder, "Thresher Maws, Alistair. Thresher Maws. And we don't engage them on foot unless absolutely necessary. We'll go over the tactics for that another day."

Alistair nodded wordlessly, appearing a bit appeased at the idea.

The following lull in conversation was promptly shattered by Joker's snickering, "Alistair? Isn't that name a bit… girly?"

Alistair huffed and crossed his arms, "It is not. It's dignified!"

Joker's snickers turned into short throttles of barked laughter, "Yeah. Sure man. Whatever helps you sleep at night. Alistair's too girly.. I'm calling you Al."

Alistair blinked in affronted silence and then scowled, "Excuse me?"

Shepard sighed and then started steering Alistair back to the couch, "Continue your movie, Alistair. We're going back to our tour."

Alistair grumbled and did as he was told. Shepard then forcefully pulled Joker out of the room, followed by they're two very amused companions.

* * *

A few rooms later brought the four men to a large room with mats on the floor and an interesting sight in the middle. "And this is our sparring room… and that's Dana Cousland… pinning Sten… to the floor."

Joker stared and then looked at John hopefully, "Tell me she's single."

"She's engaged to Alistair."

"Oh okay then… I'm sure an accident could be arranged."

"No assassinating teammates, Joker."

"Dammit."

Several minutes later, Sten and Dana agreed to call the spar a draw and disentangled themselves. Shepard exchanged the introductions and then rolled his eyes as Joker started repeatedly poking Sten on the arm. Sten ignored him.

Admiral Hackett shook his head and then cleared his throat, "Lady Cousland, I'm to understand that your the de facto leader of your group of companions and yet you are the junior warden?"

Dana smiled sheepishly and then nodded, "I would have deferred to Alistair with no complaint since he was the more experienced in the matters we were dealing with. But he was quite adamant that he did not want to lead. He repeatedly yielded to me instead and was always quick to shove me forward when dealing with the various allies we were calling on. He's apt enough at leading, he just has no taste for it."

Hackett nodded, "I see. I'm also to understand that Commander Shepard is listing you as one of the officers aboard the Normandy. I believe third in command right behind executive officer Pressly."

Dana nodded slowly, "That is what Commander Shepard has told me. Although, there are still yet more who are more experienced with this world than I, he's insistent that it's necessary."

John spoke up, "It is. Your people need to know that they have a place within the crew of the Normandy just as the rest of the team does. Placing you within the chain of command sends that message to the entire team, your people and mine. Hopefully with time we can quit referring to each other as separate groups outside of the set fire teams we'll be building. In time I'd like to set up Alistair as the leader of another fire team. We have the manpower for it."

Dana nodded again, "I understand. I just don't look forward to the day that I actually have to assert my position. Commanding people I've recruited myself is one thing. Commanding complete strangers is something else entirely."

Councilor Anderson smiled and patted Dana on the shoulder, "Don't worry too much. Hopefully by the time that you have to actually use the authority you're being given then the crew won't be strangers to you anymore."

"And on that note, we'll be continuing our tour," John stated gesturing his guests to the door, "And Joker, please quit trying to provoke Sten. It's not likely to ever work and if it ever did, we'd be out a pilot until your multiple broken bones healed."

Joker cast a sideways look at the impassive Sten and then sidled away before following Shepard and the others as quickly as he could.

* * *

Continuing the tour, Shepard led the three men into the communications room where they successfully found three of the new team members. Zevran and Leliana sat comfortably in front of one of the extranet consoles browsing through an online store for imported clothing items. Wynne sat at the next console with one of the Normandy cadets who was quietly coaching her through the general how to's of extranet browsing.

John nodded to his 'guests' and said quietly, "This is the man comm. and security room for the complex. As you can see our resident technical experts have gone to plenty of effort to ensure every detail was considered. In addition, present are Zevran, Leliana and Wynne." He gestured to each person in turn before moving to stand behind Zevran and looking at their terminal screen.

Leliana proceeded to giggle at yet another of Zevran's lewd commentaries regarding the cut and color choice of an Asari designed dress. John snorted and then shook his head. "Well, Zevran, when you consider that the entire Asari race's skin pallet is made of shades of blue and purple the color choices might make a bit more sense."

Zevran laughed and shrugged, "So you say, Commander. But if they are going to import their goods to other races then perhaps an expansion in color tastes might be in order, no?"

John nodded, "Perhaps. I'm sure Liara could give you a better understand of Asari marketing philosophy than I can however. In the meantime, I wish to introduce the three of you to Admiral Hackett, Councilor Anderson and the Normandy pilot, Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau."

Zevran twisted in his seat just as Leliana's smile lit up at the sight of Joker. Leliana leaned forward to smile at Joker, easily invading Zevran's space, "Oooh… he's so cute! Can we keep 'im, Zev?"

Zevran chuckled lowly, "You'd have to take very good care of him…"

Joker blinked and smiled nervously at the suddenly undivided attention of the two. Anderson and Hackett exchanged wry smiles while Shepard snorted loudly. The situation was rescued quite easily by Wynne who stood and reached out her hand to Anderson. "A pleasure, gentlemen. We've heard the crew of the Normandy speak highly of each of you. It's an honor to finally meet you."

Trading off with shaking everyone's hands a small bit of chit chat was exchanged as the Admiral and the Councilor inquired into their activities. Leliana was shopping to replace her wardrobe. Zevran was there to give manly advice and Wynne was there to keep them from driving the comm. room personnel nuts. The men chuckled and then bid their farewells before continuing the tour.

* * *

"And down through this lovely maze of hallways, we have everyone's personal quarters. Everyone, officer's included, is paired off with a roommate due to lack of space. Even with the expansions to the Normandy, quarters there will be tighter than here. We're considering picking up a standby crew to maintain this facility when we're out and swapping out crew members for more consistent shore leave and general emergencies."

John led them down the generally bland hallway, pausing only briefly to unlock the room he was going to be sharing with Joker to show them that things weren't that bad off really. He finally led them to what appeared to be an impromptu lounge thrown together in a large junction between hallways in the residential section of the complex.

Within that lounge, one scantily clad, raven haired woman was engaged in a tug of war with the largest dog any of them had ever seen. She cursed loudly while digging in her heels and trying to pull the article of clothing from the dog's toothy grip. "Maker's breath! Give me my skirt, you flea bitten bag of darkspawn filth!"

The dog growled playfully in response, it's stump of a tail wagging enthusiastically for all he was worth. John sighed and let out a sharp whistle at the dog. Catching both their attentions, leaving the two in a balanced stalemate, John suppressed a laugh. "Snuggles, let Morrigan have her skirt. I'll get you some other cloth you can mutilate later if you want."

The dog promptly let go and bounded over to Shepard with a happy woof. Morrigan, clearly not prepared for Snuggles' compliance with John's order, fell to her rear with a huffed, "Oof!"

Anderson blinked quietly at the dog, "You called it… Snuggles?"

John nodded solemnly, "That is what his owner named him, yes."

Hackett smirked, "And who's his owner?"

"Dana Cousland."

"That explains a lot."

"It does, doesn't it?"

Anderson, still rather quiet, next asked, "So.. he understood your command like a normal person?"

John nodded again, "Yes. He is what they call a Mabari, which is a special breed of highly intelligent war dog. They are known for understanding most human speech and being extremely loyal to their master and their master's… crew."

Anderson nodded thoughtfully, "How useful."

Joker finally chimed in, reaching over to poke Shepard's elbow, "So… who's the gorgeous lady?"

John rolled his eyes and then smiled at Morrigan who finally joined him, "My friends, this is Morrigan."

He quickly filled Morrigan in on the rest of the introductions, barely finishing before Joker jumped in, "So… you're single right?"

Morrigan scowled, "Technically. I'm also pregnant."

Joker blanched, "Oh… I don't know the father do I?"

Smirking now, Morrigan tilted her head, "I don't know. Have you been introduced to Alistair?"

Joker wilted in spot, pegging Morrigan with a disbelieving glare, "You're kidding me? Isn't he engaged to that Dana woman?"

Morrigan nodded, her smirk firmly entrenched now, "He is. I must say I'll be glad of never sleeping with him again."

Joker brightened visibly at that, "So… there's no love lost there. Which means, your baby's gonna need a Daddy right? I adore kids!"

Morrigan's smirk was replaced by a huff and an eyeroll, "You are an impertinent one. And no, my child needs no father. Good day gentlemen."

Morrigan turned and walked away, her skirt in hand. Joker grinned brightly at the other men, "She's hot!"

John sighed and shook his head, "She's also likely to knife you in the back."

Joker blinked and then look down the hallway, "I guess I'll uh.. be careful then."

* * *

Having left Joker to settle his few belongings into his new shared quarters, John took Anderson and Hackett to his office. "So… you've got the general sitrep now. Any news I should be aware of?"

The two men traded serious glances and then turned back to the Commander. "Well, it seems that the next day after our new friends arrived a very large fleet of Geth ships was passing through one of the outer Terminus systems. There was an unprecedentedly large ship with them. The Batarian patrol ship that spotted them was found as a debris field after their message got through. No sign of the fleet remained. It's believed that they took the Mass Relay there to another system."

John sighed, "That doesn't sound good."


	9. Chapter 9

Jeff 'Joker' Moreau sat on his bunk in the newly assigned quarters and flopped back, allowing his head to hit the pillow. He plunked his ever present cap on the table next to him and closed his eyes. He'd just finished unpacking what little gear he ever bothered to keep. A chime from his omni-tool brought him out of his doze long enough to check his messages. His dress uniform was being delivered from the cleaners, the faculty at the Academy sent their thanks for his time and efforts during his stay there, and Dr. Chakwas wanted to do a quick check-up to see how he'd fared from the trip.

He started to doze off again when John Shepard came in with a swish of the door and proceeded to drop a precariously balanced stack of datapads on his own table. Both men regarded the swaying stack for a moment until it settled and didn't move. Joker snorted and shook his head, "They're breeding again, Commander. What would Williams say?"

John smiled and shrugged, "Last time she commented that she wasn't ready for children yet. I merely informed her that if we needed a datapad to have children then apparently both of us need another appointment with Dr. Chakwas."

Joker barked a short laugh and then groaned, "Right… I'm supposed to go see the good doctor tomorrow morning. She's gonna gripe about my eating habits. It's not my fault the food at the Academy is either junk food or mysteriously acquired from strange and probably uninhabitable sources."

John shook his head, "Oh don't remind me. I lost enough weight at the Academy that my mother got half of her crew to chip in to send me and my roommate a crate of vegetables for mid-term exams."

Joker grinned, "Wow… you got food? Real food? My grandmother never sent food. She sent underwear. And socks. Said I'd need as much quality wool clothing as she could afford while living in the cold of space. After the sixth box I started giving them to my roommate who was ecstatic. His family sent him to the Academy to get rid of him. He ended up resigning early and going into wool product sales. To this day, I buy all my socks from him. They're much nicer than the ones Nana sent me."

John chuckled and rearranged the pillows on his bunk and plopped down while grabbing the top datapad. "I have to admit, I wish you could've been here when we were introducing modern day clothing to the new crew. It was on one hand funny and on the other unnerving. I really can't grasp living in an age without toilet paper."

Joker blinked and then laughed, "Oh man, I bet that lesson was hilarious! They'd never seen toilet paper?"

John smiled, "Lucky me, I didn't have to give them that one. C-Sec did. Garrus commented that one of his old buddies was one of their guards. He sent him a message after the Council dumped them on me to let him know the level of their 'modern education.' You should ask Garrus to show it to you. It's great."

Joker snorted and nodded, "I'll have to do that. I gotta admit, they seem like good people. They're as odd and eccentric as everyone else you've picked up, but hey, that seems to be your standard."

John shook his head with a rueful smile, "It's not my fault that all the people with the skills I want in the galaxy happen to be a little… unusual."

Joker grinned, "No, but I can imagine the look on Pressley's face when he found out about that dog! He was pissed enough about bringing a Krogan on board."

John shrugged and then sighed, "Pressley seems to be coping okay with this. He commented that I'd managed to keep everyone alive so far, and if that meant dealing with aliens and animals then so be it. You know… I have no idea what we're going to do with a war dog. Tali commented about making a dog shaped enviro-suit for non-oxygen atmospheres. Wrex pointed out that Snuggles' teeth and claws would be useless then. It seems we're going to have to be careful about the environments when we take him down with us."

Joker rolled his eyes, "Snuggles? Snuggles. What a name. You know what though? I'll bet he's really good at tracking things and people. And he'll be a faster runner. He'll be great for chases and searches."

John nodded, "That's what Dana said. Her only concern was guns. He's going to be vulnerable to gunfire. I rethought Tali's suit idea at that point and tasked her and the engineering team to come up with doggie armor with it's own set of kinetic barriers. She snagged Adams to help her the minute he finished reporting in from dry-dock yesterday."

Joker looked up then, "Adams is back? And with the current status of the Normandy?"

John smiled, "Yes.. yes he is. Go on, you. He and Tali will be in one of the sparring rooms that they co-opted for their lab. Go check on your baby."

Joker laughed, "Yes Sir!" He then heaved himself out of his bunk and out the door. He limped down the corridor and through the central quarters lounge. He saw the Normandy's Requisitions Officer sitting at a table with a calculator and several datapads, obviously deep in his work.

Joker grinned mischievously and poked a couple of numbers on the calculator prompting an annoyed, "Hey!" from the man who swatted Joker's hands away. Joker moved out of range with a laugh, and the other guy raised his hand in a rude gesture. Joker laughed again and waved, "Right back at ya, Ted! Right back at ya."

Finally after a small bit of searching, Joker found the right room and went in, joining Tali'zorah and Engineer Adams at the table that was covered in parts and a holographic display of Snuggles in armor.

Tali and Adams looked up and greeted him before turning back to their work. Tali pointed at the hologram and spoke softly, "Okay, so we've switched to a different polymer material here so as to protect the joints while leaving the necessary mobility. If we switch out the rear power pack for the next size up, we can extend the range on the kinetic emitters to produce a wider barrier field to cover for the loss of the emitters in the joint."

Adams nodded and absently passed a stack of datapads containing the reports on the Normandy to Joker and then frowned at the hologram, "That would work, but aren't we worried about the extra weight from the larger power source?"

Tali hummed in dismay and continued to study the display. Joker looked through the pads really quick and then peered at the holographic dog himself, before asking the first question that came to mind, "Are you already reaching a point of weight limitations?"

Tali shook her head, "Not yet no, but we could get there really quick if we wanted. It's just a matter of prioritizing the weight of the armor versus mobility versus the strength of the kinetic barriers. Armor that is inherently mobile leaves very little leeway for the installation of kinetic barriers. What materials that are typically used in lighter battle armors are designed with the thought in mind that the wearer will be a tech or a biotic capable of using their own abilities to strengthen their own defense."

Joker frowned a bit, "Then why don't you go for the lighter emitters and armor and set up a miniaturized omni-tool on Snuggles' collar with remote commands for triggering tech shields and other abilities like that?"

Adams and Tali then blinked at Joker and then looked back the diagram. They quickly began discussing the possibility and began changing up the diagram, delving into terminology far more complicated than the pilot was used to. He smiled and then took his reports to the chair on the other side of the room to read up on the Normandy's status.

Tali'zorah nodded and then stretched her arms above her head. She and Adams had finally worked out the last of the kinks regarding Snuggle's new armor. Adams sighed and leaned on the table, "I must admit, as fun as challenges like these are, I'm glad we only have to design one of these. Retrofitting Krogan armor for Sten will be much easier."

Tali nodded, "And we should get those Volus battle suits in tomorrow so we can retrofit a set of that for Oghren as well. Everyone else will fit normal suits. I have to admit, I didn't expect to be putting my skills as a technician to use this way. But then… who expected for a band of unusual heros to just jump through the Citadel relay like that?"

Adams snorted and arched and eyebrow, "The first time or the second time?"

Tali laughed and shook her head, "Either I suppose. But the second time is what I was referring to."

Adams nodded, "The Commander seems assured of them, but I'm a little nervous. They know so little of our world, we can't possibly expect them to understand or agree with our politics."

Tali shrugged, "I know Commander Shepard and Warden Cousland spent a good deal of time going over such things during dinner last night. It's my understanding that she was raised to be an influential political figure in her own right. The Commander seemed pretty pleased with that idea.

I'm less worried about the political fallout and more about the potential social issues. The shorter man, Zevran, has already propositioned half of the CIC crew. The only reason he's not sporting a broken nose is he's rather good at dodging."

Adams laughed, "I'd heard. I suspect things like that will calm down eventually. If it doesn't the Commander will deal with it."

Tali nodded in agreement, "At the very least, I have faith that Commander Shepard knows what he's doing. If he says it'll work… it'll work."

Reaching for a few of the spare parts and a datapad with the new plans imported to it, Tali started gathering the materials she need, "I'm going to go find Garrus and ask if he knows a place here on the Citadel that can get me the couplers we need in the size for the smaller omni-tool as well as the transmitters for the remote connectivity."

Adams nodded, "Alright then. I'll work on the design schematics for altering the Volus battle suits for Ogrhen. I'll run them by you later."

Tali nodded and then turned out the door with her armful of supplies.

She turned down the hallway and nodded at a few crew members as she passed them, until she found Garrus sitting at a table one of the lounge rooms with Wrex. It appeared they were playing an Asari game that was rather analogous to the human's chess. She sat down the seat next to Garrus and dumped her materials on the table. She examined the game and then asked, "So.. who's winning?"

Garrus huffed grumpily, "Wrex."

Wrex merely grinned in his particularly scary way. "I told you before. I'm a battlemaster."

Garrus huffed again, "Yeah yeah.. battlemaster's have to have tactical know how. Rub it in why don't you?"

Wrex grinned wider and reached over as though he were going to grab Garrus' face. Garrus scowled and sat back out of reach, his eyes never leaving the board. Finally he smiled and moved and piece. He crossed his arms and looked up at Wrex as if to say 'There! Beat that!'.

Wrex looked at the board and then mused for all of two seconds before reaching out and moving one piece. He then nodded, "I win. Again."

Garrus frowned at the board and then knocked over his central piece, "So you did. Good game."

Wrex nodded and then eyed Tali's pile of stuff, "What's all that?"

Tali smiled inside her mask, "It's parts for Snuggles armor."

Wrex shook his head, "Who names a war-dog Snuggles? No Krogan in their right mind would do that to their varren."

Garrus snorted, "A fiendishly minded, aristocratic and mischievous woman with soldier's training. That's who. I swear that woman has a talent for political machinations. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that she named him Snuggles so as to make her opponents either underestimate him or that much more wary of him. I know I don't want to tangle with that dog."

Tali shrugged, "I've not really talked with her about the name. Though I do agree with your assessment about her being fiendishly minded. She questioned me thoroughly about how battle armor works and what I had in mind for her dog. Her expectations were surprisingly exacting yet reasonable. I was surprised to find myself looking forward to the challenge instead of feeling put upon by this project. She's going to be an excellent officer."

Wrex snorted, "We'll see. We've yet to test them in real battle. That skirmish at the relay was nothing."

Garrus shook his head, "We can't count that as meaning anything. They were transported across what we believe to be thousands of light years to a world they've never known. The disorientation they were experiencing is only to be expected. That they recovered enough to fight at all is a good sign tactically."

Tali nodded, "I'm looking forward to getting back out there. I fully expect to see our enemies running in fright when they realize how we've more than doubled our fire team's numbers this way."

Wrex snorted, "Or to stand there and drool when they see that Morrigan woman."

Garrus chuckled, "Now there's a tactic… distraction via female anatomy."

Tali huffed and then said annoyedly, "She does know how to fight you know. Her magic may not be gone either. Dr. Chakwas and Liara think that something about their planet affected how they perceived the dark energy used in biotic capabilities. they're theorizing that their home world, Thedas, must be very rich in Element Zero. Being pulled away from the large sources of that would limit their ability substantially."

Garrus frowned, "But if they're biotics then why didn't the medical scans just show that?"

Tali shrugged, "Honestly? I don't know. Liara said that the scans were odd and showed a great deal of application to biotics. It's almost as if they'd been exposed to some strange contaminant. I didn't fully understand it. But they've got tests planned to figure out the biotic capability of both Morrigan and Wynne."

Garrus nodded slowly, "Now that would be a powerful gain, if they were biotics capable of what they said their magic could do."

Wrex nodded with a wicked smile, "Now that could be fun."

Garrus and Tali exchanged a look and then shook their heads. Wrex ignored them and packed up his board and it's pieces. He stood then and waved to Tali and Garrus before leaving the room, their conversation turning back to the dog's armor.

Wrex stowed his game back in his quarters and then headed for the armory. He found Ashley Williams inside going over inventory with Executive Officer Pressly. They were both hunched over a datapad, arguing over the cost of upgrades for various weapons.

Ashley didn't even greet Wrex, but merely grabbed a very large rifle from the shelf and held it out to him. Wrex nodded his thanks and left. Pressly frowned after him and then looked back to the datapad. "One of these days, the Commander's going to pick up someone just dangerous enough and we're all going to suffer for it."

Ashley rolled her eyes, "I disagree, sir. The Commander knows what he's doing. Besides, as um…. alien… as our new allies are, they seem to be a good thing."

Pressly snorted, "I thought you didn't like aliens, Williams."

Ashley shrugged noncommittally, "Not in general, no. Some of them are okay… I guess."

Pressly frowned, "What do you make of the fact that there's humans from a planet that's not earth? There's no way we planted that group."

Ashley echoed Pressly's frown, "I'm trying not to think about that. I don't want to consider what it means if we were transplanted on several planets by another species. What do you think of the non-human ones… the elf, dwarf and giant?"

Pressly pursed his lips in a sour expression, "It makes me wonder about some of our own legends from history as far as species go. Though, personally… I think the lot of them, humans too, are trouble. The elf's already had five sexual harassment claims filed against him. The dwarf's refusing psychological help for his issues with open spaces. And the giant… I'm not sure we can expect him to follow orders or stop him if he becomes an issue."

Ashley shook her head, "Then you've not seen him sparring with Dana Cousland. She regularly beats him in spar and it's clear he's not letting her win. The Commander will handle Zevran as far as the complaints go. Doubt I can help you with the dwarf though."

Pressly shrugs and then gestures with the datapad, "I intend to discuss that with Dr. Chakwas when we're done here. I hear she's got quite a bit of experience handling him already."

Ashley snorted and then turned her attention back to the inventory and budget, "Well, whether we like them or not, it's my job to make sure they're armed. So… about those upgrades…"

Pressly held back a groan and then proceeded to continue in their previous argument over the armory budget.

Some hours and a satisfactory compromise later, Pressly left the armory and made his way to the makeshift clinic where he found Dr. Chakwas and Dr. Liara T'Soni going over the data from the medical scans again. They murmured to each other in a rapid exchange of biotic-related jargon and medical terminology. It seemed they'd made a breakthrough of some variety.

Pressly cleared his throat politely and then handed Dr. Chakwas one of his datapads when he had her attention. "It's just a recommendation to determine if Ogrhen's phobia is going to be a detrimental factor and what means of treatment should be considered. It's my professional opinion that using him for boarding parties on other ships may be a bad idea until all this is dealt with."

Dr. Chakwas looked over the recommendation form and then nodded at Pressly, "Very well. I'll chase him down after Joker's check-up tomorrow. If we need to, I'll have the Commander put out a request for a psychologist to be assigned to the ship's crew."

Pressly nodded and then left, leaving the two women to go back to their discussion. Liara smiled softly at the datapad that Dr. Chakwas placed on the stack on her desk, "I imagine that it'd be a good idea to have one regardless of the treatment of Oghren's phobia. Our new teammates have so much to learn. And a lot of it is social and cultural no less."

Chakwas nodded, "I agree. The more I think about the various needs of the team as a whole, the more I realize that I'm rather out of my depth. I'm already planning to request that Wynne be taught as much first aid skills as we can possibly teach her before it crosses into the territory of 'practicing medicine'. I think Dana, Alistair and Sten would make good trainees for that as well."

Liara nodded, "I can see how that would help a great deal. Engineer Adams also thinks that Sten and Oghren would be really useful for heavy duty ship repairs in an emergency. And Garrus was talking about working with Leliana and Zevran in regards to their capabilities as saboteurs and potentially as snipers. He also thinks he can train their respective abilities in performance and stealth towards intel gathering as well."

Chakwas nodded, "The potential here for the greater good is amazing to me. More so if we can get Wynne's and Morrigan's connection to dark energy sorted out."

Liara hummed her agreement, "I honestly think that the symbiotic process we found in the wardens' bloodstreams is strongly connected to our theorized contamination. The the element zero on their world was developed by the original source of the contaminants then that could explain not only their ability to wield biotic abilities without an amp but also in the particular displays they managed."

Chakwas nodded, "I agree on that front. It makes the most sense. Though it doesn't explain, Morrigan's ability to shapeshift."

Liara frowned, "You're right. I wish she could show us how she does it. Perhaps after we have their capability tested and get them outfitted with amps she'll be able to manage it again. We should also have a series of experiments conducted testing the variables of biotic strength in proximity to large amounts of contaminated eezo. If we can find a way to simulate the ore that they spoke of… Lyrium."

Chakwas mused thoughtfully and then nodded, "I think that's a good idea. First we try and simulate lyrium. And then test how it effects biotics. And go from there. Hopefully that'll not only give us insight on Morrigan's shapeshifting abilities but also on the subject of the Fade."

Liara leaned back in her seat, "The Fade… their description of it reminds me of a paper I once read on the study of out of phase dimensions. I seem to recall that eezo was used in that study. I'll see if I can't find it again for reference."

Chakwas, "Excellent. Well, let's start getting this put together. I'd like to get start Morrigan's testing tomorrow afternoon."

Liara nodded, "Very well then.


End file.
